Month: March 2020

Thank you god for this day
May I make the most of it
May I be as a tree, taking all the energy of the world and putting out only goodness
May I be as a flower, working towards my purpose, growing towards the sun
May I act today, as best I can
As a leader or a follower
As the first or the last
Alone or on a team
Standing on the shoulders of giants, giants standing on my shoulders
Towards a quantum optimization of myself and the world around me
To work towards, at scale, human beings being empowered to have the opportunity to achieve their cosmic purpose
As a seed can become a tree
Or gravity brings mass together
To ignite into stars, to supernova, to become black holes.
May I be unwavering and disciplined,
May I make today count
Watch over those people that I love.
Amen

it’s not about doing whatever you want
it’s about being yourself, with fear
fear of failure
fear that the world doesn’t love you
that you are cast aside
fear that you are wrong
wrong in the things that you dream about
wrong in the way you spend your life
the only gift in the universe we truly have
this life we are living today
and what if we are wasting it
it’s not about doing what you want
fear in every step
remembering the words from when I was sixteen
What if I have peaked
And every day after this day
Is just a little less bright than this day
What if I have peaked
And every day after this
Is just a little less bright than today
It’s not about doing whatever you want
it’s about being yourself, with fear
The desert laid out in front of you
No one saying the words ‘I will follow you’
No idea what is on the other side
But the flower of my heart tells me to grow towards this sun
The purpose of life is mysterious
We will not get the answers, 
Unwavering, with fear
It is time to create momentum
Defy physics
Create motion where there was no motion
Create an avalanche of cascade effects
All meaningless
As meaningless as the birth of a star
Existence our force,
Do with it as we will
Embrace the desert
Loneliness a truth in a near empty universe
That would beg to become a garden
It is time to create momentum
And every day after this day,
It is a step deeper into the desert
Doing nothing at all,
But following my heart

Just be quiet just be quiet. Their eyes are all so big, staring at me, I know they are staring why do they look at me, are they looking? How do I know if they are looking if I don’t look back. What if they are looking. Let me keep my head to the ground and keep walking forward and keep walking forward. 
Let me not lose my thread, let me just keep walking forward. The hostility of the world around me is a choice that is partially of my own making. I don’t have all the control but I have some of the control. Don’t make eye contact. Keep going, Don’t stare at my feet, stare ahead, but vacant. These streets are only as hostile as I allow them to be. Keep walking keep walking keep walking.
The street is in ruins, how can it be allowed to be so terrible? Tarmac dating back decades, holes that were old when I was born with no attempt to fill them. And a manic street pulsating and throbbing with motorcycles, cars and so many people moving in every direction imaginable. Don’t stop moving. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t walk too fast. Don’t avoid eye contact. Keep just going forward. Keep just going forward. I’m only going a little bit farther.
Suddenly someone is holding my hand tight. What the fuck. I try to slip my hand quickly away but it is stuck. I try to keep moving forward, shedding this weight on my arm before I even acknowledge it, like having a twig stuck on a shoe and just brush it off. The grip is slippery, even a little wet, but I can’t get my hand out of it.
With my other hand I reach into my back pocket and I take out a small bank note. Still without looking I pass the money to the gripping force behind me. The vice loosens and the money slips out of my hand and now I am free again. I don’t look back. I keep walking forward.