Month: June 2016

there

be there be there
you okay?
spend too much of my time in my head
sorry sorry
I know, I know
no more sorrys
I don’t mean to be mean to be
I don’t mean to be me
I don’t
didn’t
mean to be
anything other than the perfect for you

trying to put a word to every emotion
paint the scene
let me let me shut up
I don’t want to be that guy
you deserve all I can give you
and that should be, knowing you
knowing what you need
you need something special
aren’t we a team?
let me be a better team mate
it’s not enough, is it?
I’m not enough
Or right
don’t you know that I know it?
don’t you know that I would love you to walk away?
don’t you know,
that there be sunshine
behind my clouds
i can’t handle it
but who said that’s your problem

why do I have to be broken in my mind
why do I have to be broken
why do I have to be weak
why do I have to hurt you
push push push, push you away
it’s our fault
it’s my fault
I watch you leave
nobody blames either of us
but, god, does it hurt
I don’t blame you,
but,
you should blame me

do we remember what
what what what
happiness used to be
remember when we had a rainbow
all those colours, in every moment
and I tore it from us
tore it from you
tore it from me

I’m trying
can you feel that
don’t make a difference
you’re right to leave
this mess
there are just better for you
let me deal with myself
on my own time
why waste your life
don’t waste your life

been awhile
lines on my skin faded
you’re at that far away table
I see you be happy
knowing the thought of me
never crosses your mind
can’t say it doesn’t hurt
maybe I still dream,
somewhere
but
you’re smiling
you’re smiling
you’re smiling
and
I’m smiling

and I am I am in my head
my head my head my head
I don’t know what I want
everyone to be as alone, lonely as me
everyone to be as alone as me
where is it that I belong
but maybe that isn’t the real world

do you pray
do you hope?
does this feel like the real life
is this it?
what happens
when we all go poof
and we realize, we never figured it out

killing ourselves
one wasted day at a time
one wasted heart beat at a time
isn’t there a key
nails broken
there is a real life
there is a real life
just a heart beat away
just
can we find it

I’m there for you
even if you aren’t there for me
I want to be in your head
selfishly
just to know
if we are all alone together

sometimes some days are easy
they’re the lies
we don’t discover ourselves when it’s easy
so, let things be hard
but the hard thing about hard things
is they are hard

let me add beauty to every moment
let me be better for every moment
let me be better for you
instead of worse

I’m sorry
I’m going to go off the deep end
let’s agree not to call it madness
remember that I smile
and I hope I make some smiles
but I think the right thing to do
is go off the deep end
because it’s off the deep end
in the darkness
where I will find the flower
the flower that grows in the dark
in the dark the dark
the dark the dark
the dark the dark
that is my most pure light

could we just shut up for a second
hold each other tight
not think about thinking
god is closer than the search
I want to be the person who gives you light
as I search in the dark
there is something other than this
I never know if I will find it
I would ask that you don’t follow me
your own searches are more important
but I am going to keep on searching

being and that be the opposite of not being
here for a moment
poof
tree grows, blooms, has seasons, grows, decays
could be cut down, but, usually not
what’s the tree be
what’s the tree do
why’s a tree got to be anything

up left sideways in/out
whassa the difference
youse what what what
where?
WHERE?
nevaz ask whys, who cares
highas
where’s we alls break
where’s we alls break
where’s we alls break
highas lowas breaks yourself
shatter shatta
bes on the edge
wheres do you break
wheres you break
is where’s you be

shadda shadda shadow shatter
youse be use be us be whose
wheres the heart if there aint no nerves there
prays and praya
god aint dead
he’s just be lost lost
we’d go and find him, yeah?
where be god in your heart?
I can’ts hear him
but I know’s he’s there

scared afread
haha
HAHA
haha
lesbe the fear makers
less break this shit down
there be no god but the god and whose be the god
and, how we’d make him
you pray to me I pray to youse
god be here if he’s here he can’t be no where else
or maybes everywhere
where be the heart
where be the mind
not where the heart IS
throws the mind out
throws the MIND OUT
we’d gonnas find the god
cus
cus

prey pray praise paid
I dunno never knew
who the fuck woulds
you know
you know
asks me
ethereal I’s be, aint no’s dreama
just a, a not enough
a not nothing but I aint aint
so so so so so
let’s not be’s ourself
let’s fall through the cracks
what’s you scared of
let’s go play with it
let’s go love it, fuck it, kiss it,
be it be it be it be it
hows we fight the night if we’d don’t be the night
so
hew’s we be we be and we start with a scream
end with a laugh
wanna be in love, devil
I like your singing voice

whesbe the devil
cept where we gotta search
the truth be in the devil
cus there aint no light there
and we searched in the easy
didn’t even find no keys
so whys be the evil the evil and the good the good
whys be we’s be hatin ourselves
all the ding dang time
when I tell’s you I don’t be bad
I at least don’t trys to be bad
I wanna be the good guy
but then I dont’s and I don’t gets it I don’t
so be the devil maybe gotta be the same?
who said bad/good evil love I says I dunno
you’s look at me and tell’s me you’re good good
I don’t I don’t
pray pray
prey prey
pray pray
hope dawk
no not nope hard fight live loaf
whe’s where why’s why
free Willy
oh can’t we breaks
break
break
break
and then be
cus this shit aint be real

we aint gettin there
we aint touchin it
we be xplorin and not findin
that be okay okay
but where be the key the key the key
this be it
out out brief candle
don’ts you tell me I disappears before I get to see see
don’t you tell me that it be beyond
we’s find it
or is it I
or is it we
or is it I
whose knows
gods in a fortune cookie, whose be the one that opened it
did they knows?
whose knows what they knows
I’s or We’s, noes difference, we aints be there
We aint got it
Aint got it
Aint got it aints got it

fuck the fuck the fuck
fucksyousandfucks me
trying not to swear, you know
but gahta gahta gahta scream at the sky
gahta break free
breaks mes
break
break

My current plan isn’t working. What does it mean to make a new plan?

brain broket
hart empty
one last try
i don’t get there
dunno
there aint be an answer
there still be a god
in this flowa
and that smile
and that blue blue blue day
he’s maybe not give no shit no shit
buts we be gods too, right
we’d be gods
we’d not be betta or worse
we’s be ready to worship
nots by we’s changin
but by we’s bein true strong
the reals true strong
and say
say
we’s be ready to love