Month: February 2016

do you feel this hole?
void vacancy abyss missing, missing, missing a core a key a light
like your eyes are seeing too much
or maybe not seeing anything real
can we touch?
do you feel alone?

walking past each other
these big empty coats, they hide the real
don’t see each other
don’t see into each other
do we both wonder bigger?
dream about these walking shadows?

remembering that lil curve of a smile
your hair curly, eyes alive, lil curve of a smile
wanna let us be?
wanna buy into the dream?
I’ll give you a lil curve of a smile back
let’s say whatever
let’s say we’ll be together
waking up and fearing
waking up and wondering

What if we mess up?
What if we get hurt?
What if we fall in love?
My heart is phoney dark never turned on
What if I mess up?
What if I hurt you?
What if you fall in love?

you touch my skin I don’t feel lightning
you are sweet, you said it first
I didn’t believe it when you said it
I don’t mean it when I say it
Though, you are kinda sweet
maybe we should grow up
stop dreamin
start believin

that second of fire
anger scary, out of control
put water on the heat
here we turn into stone
cold, where did the fire go
who wants to be cold?
if only there was more than one life to live
maybe there aren’t so many dreams to dream
I would do things different

is there any any any one who really feels love
is there ANY one who really feels love?
what’s it like?
share with us blind the color of love
share with us deaf the song of passion
lovers know the truth
they see the flowers worth stopping for
what is love / what is love
is it the lightning bolt?
what’s it like to have someone else stare at you
deep in your eyes
what is it like to have another person hold you?
just do nothing but hold you?
does it feel like not being alone?
could anything be that good?

we should use the word love more often
not I love you, get in my bed
instead
I love you
because, here we are
lost souls
not knowing that we’re all lost
all looking, screeching, searching, losing
we’re all lost
all feeling alone
even if we don’t know it
the world is more mysterious
more complicated
more enchanted
of course we’re lost
how else to respond
to the mystery of being alive
embrace being lost
love being lost
can I ask you
you you/you
let us be lost together?
maybe that is love
maybe that is love

the train is here
the train is here can I catch it can I catch it
don’t leave
that holiness in my mind just a moment ago
let me run sprint fly dream die go flow here i am just please don’t go
let me on
and I will fly
I will show you
what I can’t show myself
no mirror to show myself
can you / can you / can you listen or read or float
can you / can you listen to whatever it is
that comes out now and before
and tell me
who me is

lets start by singing softly
who am I today
who am I pray
who am I to say
that today is the day
we finally, escape this gray

but it’s not the truth
that this is my true mood
there is something in me
that I need to be
I hate it, you see
this devil in me

I’m gonna rise up and find
escape this grind
my innermost mind
it’s just a fucking lemon//
take away the pretty shit
what’s it like to be me?
can’t you see
that I have to live
with the fucking devil in me

fuck me, because that’s not true
just something to escape the blue
god is in my heart
I need shatter
I need to batter with a hammer no matter the clammer this bullshit manner that let’s me blather shit that don’t matter
fuck the rhymes
we can be honest, they’re not honest

there is something that needs to be said
today, this poem isn’t for you
it’s for me, just little me
grey bearded nash
isn’t that that that that that that guy?
I aint
I aint tell you I aint to be saying I’m something special
because
I aint the dirt on your shoe
but
I aint the guy you see here
Not the loud mouth fast talker
Not the shouter or the prayer or the guy who has an article for everything
No
I tell you I aint
Because what I know for sure
Is I aint that guy
So
Then who am I?

This is a repeat after me song, what is it?
I said! This is a repeat after me song, what is it?
Everywhere we go
Everywhere we go
People always ask us
Who we are
Then we tell them
We just don’t, really really don’t know
Who we are,
But we’re searching, maybe today (getting slower), maybe tomorrow
Maybe I saw it
Maybe I missed it

Hey
Hey
It’s all ok
I’m not bad, if, if you aren’t bad
I look for a truth
But you, yeah you, you can be my truth
We can escape and be, find glee, SEE
I’m there for you, if you’re there for me
To not not hide
Those people we really are
I know your secrets
I know everything
Because my secrets are your secrets
Let’s love our secrets
Let’s forgive ourselves
Fuck god, yeah, fuck you man, and, I love you, but fuck you
To say that you are perfection, and all we are is some pale imitation
I renounce my imperfection
I renounce the idea that I am perfect
I will rise and find and oh god try to not be god but be bigger than god
I am god, yeah, no, really, a trillion times a trillion atoms circling in universes around me to give me these fucking eyes to do nothing/nothing/nothing but see the world
god made the world, top hacker shit
but, I gaze with awe
we gaze with awe. Have I lost you already?
Is this stupid narcissim in my mind
That makes me wake up lonely every day
And every grin a bit of a cringe
As I wonder what broken shit I am,
To always be alone, full of gloam
Let us beat back god together
Let us be us
If you aren’t scared of me
I won’t be scared of you
Can we be each others mirror?
Do you want me to say I love you first?
Because it’s true, I love you. I love you.
I love my mom and dad // blue skys fighting rainy days
I love UBC/OLPC/SafeMotos/AlexiaJennNualaPeterDesiremybrothers/dreamers
I love the idea of loving
Is my love less because I love the world more
I love you
That doesn’t mean you need to say you love me

Rise and shine me
Rise and shine, feeling glee
Rise and shine and find that I’ve escaped for a moment the grind

I want this to end
But the truth hasn’t been written
I’m still on this train
But it’s not going to where I want it to go
How do I say that one thing I want to say
The words are there there there
How do I just say it
Let me throw myself off this train
And wait for me, I am about to go and be mad and shatter but no matter ignore the clatter here I am for a moment am I soaring tell me it’s not boring where are the words I am in the air for just this second I need to find them I can’t break free any more I can’t keep open this door oh please god I just want more I don’t want what you got in store not afraid of fire, afraid of just just just just just just just just just just just I don’t wanna dissappear
Fuck that I’m in the hall of my mind for just his second let me try all the doors let me find those things that I’ve stored and clean up
This door here, shit, I don’t want to open it. Am I worth being loved? Am I shit, useless, blissless, unmagical? Let me not open that door. I need a hug. Don’t hug me. I need to know who I am. Tell me who I am.
No.
Don’t even tell me who I am.
I think I think I think I think
I know what I need
I know what to ask,
You, who I love
Are we the same?
Is your mind filled with these devils
These SCRATCHED records
Madness sadness and hint of gladness
Can, can I be less lonely?
Are you lonely too?
Do you go to dance and wonder why your legs don’t move
Do you go to put your arm on someone and, and, it just doesn’t work out
Does someone hug you and you recoil, even/even though all you want is to be hugged?
Is that you?
Maybe, maybe, we don’t have to be alone
Maybe, maybe
Maybe, maybe
The train has stopped, did I ever get on it. I was just running in the rain. Screaming at the big clouds, eclipse at noon on a Saturday.
Really more like 11
11:07
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
on on
ON ON
on on
we make our own way forwards
we have the choice to make our own way forwards

i wanna play this song on repeat / it don’t have a beat / which is what makes it neat / cause I don’t see beats / which makes me feel incomplete / enfeebeled / and how am i supposed to start a letter / showing my better mind / if I can’t even find / just feel fucking blind / let me fight this grind / add to the list of all those things I never found / that voice I used to use for you just a mist / that I miss / now all I’ve got is some new hiss / that feels lissless / blissless / loveless / when did I lose the doves in my mind / when did we ever stop searching for what we might find / Jenn are you alright / how is the good ol fight / do you still feel like you have sight / or has it become a type of night / that you just wish would make right / fuck ights / fucks fucks / how are you lady? / hope you’re okay maybe / hope you’re flowin and goin and dreaming aint fleein just beein eyes open and seeing and still hopin for something new each mornin and wondering what luck might come, instead of come undone, instead of fall down, hopin for the being instead of the dissapearing / who is we again? / maybe we ares far enough to know we never go to wheres we were prayin to go by that don’t mean that this not there is a no where is a no go is a no glow / aint we all still a type of beautiful, even if it’s more amore a mystiful than we thought when was those young bucks who could look at the moon and not see gloom, share a room and make our minds zoom make our minds go vroom make our minds fly as we knew we had this cry is us that was no fuss to yell and every challenge would be felled every devil felled dreams felled us up dream high and high into the sky they could never die there’s nothing wry in imagining we could be more than miles high and be and see and be full of glee forever or or for all that forever is worth a forever rebirth and then did it happen to you? we get brought back to earth / I remember red / its  a color you said / but now I’m blind and it looks dead / just another dread grey / another grey ash / another lash / for what I failed to have the passion to fasten / that I just wasn’t fast enough to find / that I don’t know how to escape / is there a way to catch a break / go under that slide / a place in my mind I like to hide / where the lights were bright / and everything was alright / and / and/ I still dreamed alright / without this fucking dimmed eyesight / I’ve lost my might / I’ve lost my love of life / and I’m left with my like / it doesn’t feel alright / but / then / I look back / at those racks of memory / that are all buried / and I see them flow / behind me forever more / and I can hope / without being a dope / that this is a river behind / so its a river before / and the flashfloodingWONDER of before / don’t mean the future doesn’t have a different type of soar / don’t mean it can’t have a different type of door / a different type of more / let me not look back / let me roll down the hill in a sack / let me remember that today aint the end / it’s just a part of a bend / and may my feet send me / towards a future where I get to be / the me I want to be / and if I am just me / then it should be with ease / I can again be at peace