Will you sleep with me?
Pardon?
Will you sleep with me?
Pardon?
I would like you to sleep with me.
What are you talking about? Why would you say that? That makes no sense! Where did that come from. We’ve never talked about this. We’ve never acted about this. Why are you saying this?
We’ve been friends for years. I know you like I know myself. I’ve known love many times, but it has always disappointed me. I feel like there’s a set formula, where you start by asking a girl to go out, 3-4 weeks after going out and after a night of a few drinks, you’re expected to stumble into bed. Once in bed, you play your games, make the noises you’re supposed to make, try to make it take the time its supposed to take, and then that’s it. Some people find it to be love, something true, something beautiful. For me, it’s always made me feel empty. Like an actor. So I want to get off the formula. I’m going to try to be brave and say what I really truly think. I want us to make love, I want us to explore each other, to talk and not be impaired, to say those things you actually think, to have an interaction instead of an action.
You’re honestly fucked up. The answers no, sorry, this is really fucked, and I don’t understand.
I don’t want to scare you or seem like a pervert or anything. I certainly don’t want to hurt our friendship, and I understand me talking much longer like this will destroy it, but still, this is something that I think is beautiful, something I don’t want to force on you but rather to share with you. If you find me unattractive, that is of course ok, but personally for me, everyone is beautiful, everyone has something to love, and I am not going to be a romantic and say that I’m in love with, or want to marry you or something bizarre, rather, that I love you as someone I know and genuinely enjoy. That it would be so much pleasure for me to give you pleasure. I want to talk about the things that it seems like people never talk about. We do not have to make love, but I would like to talk as lovers. In many ways, for my own sanity, I need to know that the talk of lovers exists, that its not some illusion sent from movies and books, that I can experience it, that I can impart it.
It’s not that you’re not attractive, you’re wonderful. I used to dream that we would go out on dates, that when we were sitting watching movies that maybe you’d kiss me. I never thought I’d tell you that, but I never really imagined this conversation happening either. If you want to back track, maybe we can try going out, take things slow, get to see how we work together. But you just said you didn’t want that, and that’s ok, but I don’t think of relationships as formulaic, I think of them as beautiful and wondrous, and I think its unfortunate that you seem so deadened to them.
Well, I like talking like this. Thank-you for just not standing up and leaving,
You’re one of the smartest people I know. You’ve said things to me many times in my life that have made me think. You’re making me think now. I just am not used to thinking this way. It feels like instead of running a race, just crossing the finish line, it feels like what you are saying would be cheating, and right now I can’t think of what the consequences would be, but I am sure they would be there.
You are completely right, there would be consequences from what we do, and I don’t understand them either. Our friendship would be different, and I would be a different person to you, and you would be a different person to me, and that of course could be tragic. We have shared so much why would I want to put that in jeapordy? But I want to. I desperately desperately want to. This isn’t about animal lust. This is the fact that I want to touch your skin, smell your hair, look in your eyes; to find recognition, to touch and be touched. This isn’t love, loves not something I want from you now, not that you’re not worth my eternal love, that’s a different conversation. This is more about the appreciation of the beautiful moment, the best way of spending this exact period of time. We could go out for dinner, or watch a movie, or go for a walk, and all those things would be wonderful, but we’ve done that. Love is something we haven’t done.
Ok. Fuck it. Lets do it. You didn’t talk me into it, to be honest, I think your answers aren’t really that sound, that really you’re just as confused as I am by this, but I think a corner of my brain understands. Love is a beautiful thing. Why shouldn’t we. What is wrong with it. Nothing I suppose, at least right now I suppose that, and I fervently hope that I think that again tomorrow. Do you want me to undress.
Know, we both undress ourselves every day, lets undress each other. I’m curious, I’ve known woman, but I have never studied, I’ve always thought its rude to look, even when my hands are everywhere, I’ve still thought it rude to look. I’m going to take your shirt off. And you’re beautiful. You truly are. You are wonderful. And I hope we are making the right choice. But no matter what, I am glad at this exact moment this is happening, I am glad to try something new, or perhaps something forgotton; so often love is animalistic, lets make love as humans.