I come from a place that I do not remember
In this place
May we call it my home
There were colors that do not exist here
Fantastic shades that fill my waking mind
Yet never can be painted with my tongue
To take you there
To show you the places that made me
Me
I will tell again, these same words
I will try again to make real
The unreal
Why?
I do not know.
I truly do not even think you care
But for me, myself
I need to attempt
I need to delve back into the inside of my mind
To again feel that far away life
That is not mine to live any longer
Indulge me
Put up with me and my eccentricities
Know by sitting still and simply listening
You are giving a lost man
A blind man
A dying man
A happy memory
If I want to describe any one thing
I must describe everything
Because what is different about my last life
Is everything
Everything is a degree shy of what would seem normal
And the everything that was my everything was normal to me
That is an important point, yes
The everything is different
But it is not different to the us that called this everything home
Because it was all we knew
In this place, there lived people
The people whom I love, loved and will love
Yet who you, my very good friends
Have never known
And will never know
Know that my heart is divided
Bitterly
And that I say this not because I hate you
Rather
I love you too much
Just as I love those lovely creatures
Who populate my dreams
Yet are not here
How is a man ever to make peace
When he is a puzzle
Whose pieces can never be placed together
I dream
Not every night, or at least I don’t think
But they are in my mind many nights
Never fantasy
Never the future
Just the past
Those conversations I have had
Those same conversations I will never have again
Those hands I have touched
Whose bearer has aged, withered
And even if I was to touch again
Would not recognize
The world changes
And we change with it
And what was
Cannot be again
A thought just flew through my mind
A memory, really
Or maybe, how is it I can truly tell?
A girl I used to love has perished
I heard, and knew
Acknowledged and mourned
Yet
I did not go to the funeral
This girl who, she and I, we loved
I held her and told her sweet nothings
She is gone forever
Those words I whispered don’t exist anymore
And why
Why did I not see her again
Why did I not mourn more
Please, angel, if that is you
Forgive me, or, perhaps
Don’t
I was not there for you when you needed me
Is it true you took your own life?
I was not there when you needed me
Because I was busy
Burn me
Torture me
I deserve the worst, and beyond
Your suffering was heard by me
I just ignored you
You are the past
Not the present,
Not the future
I just ignored you
Well my friend
Where is it I have brought you?
I’m afraid very little
I could have told you something pretty
But instead you see my ghosts
Life has been good to me
Life has been good to me
But life is very long
And every step forward
Is a step farther away from something else
And my weeping daydreams come
During a fantastical present
Just
I remember
I remember
I remember
And I cannot forget