Category: Poetry

up left sideways in/out
whassa the difference
youse what what what
where?
WHERE?
nevaz ask whys, who cares
highas
where’s we alls break
where’s we alls break
where’s we alls break
highas lowas breaks yourself
shatter shatta
bes on the edge
wheres do you break
wheres you break
is where’s you be

shadda shadda shadow shatter
youse be use be us be whose
wheres the heart if there aint no nerves there
prays and praya
god aint dead
he’s just be lost lost
we’d go and find him, yeah?
where be god in your heart?
I can’ts hear him
but I know’s he’s there

scared afread
haha
HAHA
haha
lesbe the fear makers
less break this shit down
there be no god but the god and whose be the god
and, how we’d make him
you pray to me I pray to youse
god be here if he’s here he can’t be no where else
or maybes everywhere
where be the heart
where be the mind
not where the heart IS
throws the mind out
throws the MIND OUT
we’d gonnas find the god
cus
cus

prey pray praise paid
I dunno never knew
who the fuck woulds
you know
you know
asks me
ethereal I’s be, aint no’s dreama
just a, a not enough
a not nothing but I aint aint
so so so so so
let’s not be’s ourself
let’s fall through the cracks
what’s you scared of
let’s go play with it
let’s go love it, fuck it, kiss it,
be it be it be it be it
hows we fight the night if we’d don’t be the night
so
hew’s we be we be and we start with a scream
end with a laugh
wanna be in love, devil
I like your singing voice

whesbe the devil
cept where we gotta search
the truth be in the devil
cus there aint no light there
and we searched in the easy
didn’t even find no keys
so whys be the evil the evil and the good the good
whys be we’s be hatin ourselves
all the ding dang time
when I tell’s you I don’t be bad
I at least don’t trys to be bad
I wanna be the good guy
but then I dont’s and I don’t gets it I don’t
so be the devil maybe gotta be the same?
who said bad/good evil love I says I dunno
you’s look at me and tell’s me you’re good good
I don’t I don’t
pray pray
prey prey
pray pray
hope dawk
no not nope hard fight live loaf
whe’s where why’s why
free Willy
oh can’t we breaks
break
break
break
and then be
cus this shit aint be real

we aint gettin there
we aint touchin it
we be xplorin and not findin
that be okay okay
but where be the key the key the key
this be it
out out brief candle
don’ts you tell me I disappears before I get to see see
don’t you tell me that it be beyond
we’s find it
or is it I
or is it we
or is it I
whose knows
gods in a fortune cookie, whose be the one that opened it
did they knows?
whose knows what they knows
I’s or We’s, noes difference, we aints be there
We aint got it
Aint got it
Aint got it aints got it

fuck the fuck the fuck
fucksyousandfucks me
trying not to swear, you know
but gahta gahta gahta scream at the sky
gahta break free
breaks mes
break
break

My current plan isn’t working. What does it mean to make a new plan?

brain broket
hart empty
one last try
i don’t get there
dunno
there aint be an answer
there still be a god
in this flowa
and that smile
and that blue blue blue day
he’s maybe not give no shit no shit
buts we be gods too, right
we’d be gods
we’d not be betta or worse
we’s be ready to worship
nots by we’s changin
but by we’s bein true strong
the reals true strong
and say
say
we’s be ready to love

fall down fall up
fall side to side
we’re always this new version of ourselves
a spinning top
fighting all the fighting all the
and we all fall down

Abu Ghraib, saints, god, the devil, the motherfucking devil
portions of love and hatred and wonder and fear and the motherfucking devil
amazing grace, you are, you are
wonder
rise up and sign
rise up and pray
needles in my arm
needles in my head
fly float
float away
into the clouds, into the wonder
leave the devil
leave self
leave the waking mind
for dreams, even if the dreams don’t come
when the dreams don’t come
woe is warm
still can smile
can’t you see there is no heart?
but where is the heart?
who is this vessal?
not dead not alive not satan not god
not a thing
not even empty
woe is woe
is wonder is god
is the devil is home
is wonder is wander is fear
the fear the night what is nightime
god was in the air
but how to touch it

lhsdfkhgksdhgporsghdlfghsioidhgdlhgod;hgj;sore

leave it? that would be stupid. What other worlds are there?
Why would it be any easier
Any less magical
And less terrible
God is in the air
Let me breath, let me gasp, let’s try, let me try
oh shit oh lord oh god oh my oh my
why does one plus one equal two?
why not three
why should a man know his own mind?
what truth is there in the entire world
except that god is in the air
slip slide fall bump your head
LET THE SCREAM TEAR OUT
let the let the let the let the let the let the let the let the

dumdileedumdumdidleedum
harrumph
cockadoodledoo
cockadoodledee
hi there hi there hi there hi there
dreamer, you dreaming
is this what a dream looks like
is this what a dream feels like
yeehaw yippee
yipee feels good
why doesn’t the world have more yipyipyipee
wandershit
wanderbliss
izabeizaseeizabedagloomnozoomnozoom
can’t everyone give each other a hand
can’t everyone float together
can’t we make heaven
this isn’t heaven, but maybe, what if, could it be bliss
not this gentle hiss
living a nightmare
living the gloam
bwazzzzzza
BWAZZZZA
pull the needle out
weakness for the weak
we’re all weak
except for how we deal with it

hurt hurt hurt hurt
love what you hurt
hurt what you love
dive down dive up
go below your skin
to where god doesn’t touch
meaty flesh, just an animal
not even a sinner
no dreams here
what if you could cut yourself without cutting
would the blood be blue
blue blood royalty
call ourselves god
there is no truth there
just madness
no dream there
just madness

amazing grace, you are, you are
for all the rage and sadness
love and sorrow
truth and its opposite
amazing grace,
you are
you are

whoever said gravity is real?
do you see it, do you feel it
who is to say if you jump
you can’t hit the stars
who is to say
that if we can just find the right dream
the angel dream
the real dream
the magic dream
even if we aren’t dreamers
even if we don’t know we are supposed to dream
that we couldn’t fall fall fall
up

Hands shaking
I say to my hands be still
And they keep shaking
I say to my mind
And my heart
Be still
And yet

Looking forever for the lightning bolt
Oh I pray to see it
Oh to illuminate this dark beauty
Yet
I never look perfectly up
Into heaven
And see that the lightning bolt is here
Forever striking right on my head
God is here in the light
Just as he is here in the dark
And I pray
And I pray

And I said to you
Do not fear the turmoil
Hearts are not things man was made to understand
No
Instead lift your hands to the sky
Look up at that blue
Feel the lightning
And I ask you to say anything
Except that god is good

The flat ground clapping your feet
Sprint run fly grace god prayer magic peace
Oh
Shanti
I see the peace
Oh
Shanti
I know there is god
Oh
Shanti
I understand
I understand

Let me fly
Let me dream
Let me scream
But not the dark scream
The light scream
The magic scream
God is in the air
Take the light and make it dark
Take the dark and make it light
I don’t ask to know the truth

Through this dark veil
I see enough of the shapes
To call them monsters
But if the veil was lifted
And the blue sky fell on everyone
Perhaps those devils
Could be called angels

The time passes
The time is passed
Oh float and still be
Remember the flavour of the magic
And even as it disappears
Remember that it is your choice for it to disappear
The aether is here
Feel it
Do not be frightened, father
Do not be frightened, child
Know that you swim in magic
And that it is here, so much
As we breathe it,
We cannot forget
Let the lightning keep striking
Let the blue sky be forever over head
Let prayer fill your mind
Prayer like this
I will be neither good nor evil
I will be neither past nor present
Happy or unhappy
All I will be, is be
One with eternity
An electron floating flying
An atom decaying and building
And all there is
In all this magic
Is the choice to look at the sky
And remember that it is blue

yeah you
pretendin to big eyes
like your heads been exploded
like your dreams been bigger than you
let me tell you the wild
not what this is
mediocre melancholia
nah
we’s be bigger than bullshit
do it all again right
imagine a different dream
if we’s was to be was again
what would be different
is we don’t look at the ground
we looks to the sky
even if we’s still walkin
these same old steps
dreama darlin wonder
wannabe love
wannabe dreama
oh shit
I nevas thought to be this me
you wanted to be you?
I don’t think so
but this is all that we are
this is all that we be
this is all we get to see
I love it
can you loves it
can you smile, for awhile, suckoutthe bile
lets dream bigger again
lets dream biggest again

bwizzzzzz
wonda
grace
yo yo
whose you yeah?
wonder
wander what
free
freeze
be be me
wanda
can’t you shakes your soul?
wanda
be
be you
looksinyoureyes and dream dreamed
heyo get off of your cloud
daydreames infinite
there usedtobe words heres
dreams dreamed yeah wander wonder
prays for you
yous prays for me
yeah!
wander
shakes it all out
dreams it all out
dreams it all out
dreams it all out

I remember waking up staring in your eyes when you were already awake and they were brown and didn’t blink and you had exams that day and you didn’t go and now you don’t exist where does that memory come from

body gettin old
mind getting stupid
pray pray
prey prey
hey
hey
hey
hey
hey
it’s going to be all right
don’t say yesno or noyes
but lets dream and age and fade and prey
dunno don’t know
still dream
still be
still scream
still see

is a blessed life
a holy life
a type of life
just life
everyday life
everyday wonder
everyday bliss
everyday glory
what was it again
what was it again?
those things we dreamed about
they seemed to full of color
like a tropical bird
flitting in front of a sepia painting
things aren’t bad are they
which is also to say they aren’t good
if that is all the clarity mustered
wake the fuck up
can’t we wake up
where is the hope and dream and love and magic
was it ever there?
just some fever dream
memories just a mirage
this imperfect day
remembered imperfectly as perfect
go somewhere do something
do this
not that
this THIS
maybe that, if you like
it’s your life
don’t get stuck in molasses
give it a lick
and remember it is sweet

do you feel this hole?
void vacancy abyss missing, missing, missing a core a key a light
like your eyes are seeing too much
or maybe not seeing anything real
can we touch?
do you feel alone?

walking past each other
these big empty coats, they hide the real
don’t see each other
don’t see into each other
do we both wonder bigger?
dream about these walking shadows?

remembering that lil curve of a smile
your hair curly, eyes alive, lil curve of a smile
wanna let us be?
wanna buy into the dream?
I’ll give you a lil curve of a smile back
let’s say whatever
let’s say we’ll be together
waking up and fearing
waking up and wondering

What if we mess up?
What if we get hurt?
What if we fall in love?
My heart is phoney dark never turned on
What if I mess up?
What if I hurt you?
What if you fall in love?

you touch my skin I don’t feel lightning
you are sweet, you said it first
I didn’t believe it when you said it
I don’t mean it when I say it
Though, you are kinda sweet
maybe we should grow up
stop dreamin
start believin

that second of fire
anger scary, out of control
put water on the heat
here we turn into stone
cold, where did the fire go
who wants to be cold?
if only there was more than one life to live
maybe there aren’t so many dreams to dream
I would do things different

is there any any any one who really feels love
is there ANY one who really feels love?
what’s it like?
share with us blind the color of love
share with us deaf the song of passion
lovers know the truth
they see the flowers worth stopping for
what is love / what is love
is it the lightning bolt?
what’s it like to have someone else stare at you
deep in your eyes
what is it like to have another person hold you?
just do nothing but hold you?
does it feel like not being alone?
could anything be that good?

we should use the word love more often
not I love you, get in my bed
instead
I love you
because, here we are
lost souls
not knowing that we’re all lost
all looking, screeching, searching, losing
we’re all lost
all feeling alone
even if we don’t know it
the world is more mysterious
more complicated
more enchanted
of course we’re lost
how else to respond
to the mystery of being alive
embrace being lost
love being lost
can I ask you
you you/you
let us be lost together?
maybe that is love
maybe that is love

the train is here
the train is here can I catch it can I catch it
don’t leave
that holiness in my mind just a moment ago
let me run sprint fly dream die go flow here i am just please don’t go
let me on
and I will fly
I will show you
what I can’t show myself
no mirror to show myself
can you / can you / can you listen or read or float
can you / can you listen to whatever it is
that comes out now and before
and tell me
who me is

lets start by singing softly
who am I today
who am I pray
who am I to say
that today is the day
we finally, escape this gray

but it’s not the truth
that this is my true mood
there is something in me
that I need to be
I hate it, you see
this devil in me

I’m gonna rise up and find
escape this grind
my innermost mind
it’s just a fucking lemon//
take away the pretty shit
what’s it like to be me?
can’t you see
that I have to live
with the fucking devil in me

fuck me, because that’s not true
just something to escape the blue
god is in my heart
I need shatter
I need to batter with a hammer no matter the clammer this bullshit manner that let’s me blather shit that don’t matter
fuck the rhymes
we can be honest, they’re not honest

there is something that needs to be said
today, this poem isn’t for you
it’s for me, just little me
grey bearded nash
isn’t that that that that that that guy?
I aint
I aint tell you I aint to be saying I’m something special
because
I aint the dirt on your shoe
but
I aint the guy you see here
Not the loud mouth fast talker
Not the shouter or the prayer or the guy who has an article for everything
No
I tell you I aint
Because what I know for sure
Is I aint that guy
So
Then who am I?

This is a repeat after me song, what is it?
I said! This is a repeat after me song, what is it?
Everywhere we go
Everywhere we go
People always ask us
Who we are
Then we tell them
We just don’t, really really don’t know
Who we are,
But we’re searching, maybe today (getting slower), maybe tomorrow
Maybe I saw it
Maybe I missed it

Hey
Hey
It’s all ok
I’m not bad, if, if you aren’t bad
I look for a truth
But you, yeah you, you can be my truth
We can escape and be, find glee, SEE
I’m there for you, if you’re there for me
To not not hide
Those people we really are
I know your secrets
I know everything
Because my secrets are your secrets
Let’s love our secrets
Let’s forgive ourselves
Fuck god, yeah, fuck you man, and, I love you, but fuck you
To say that you are perfection, and all we are is some pale imitation
I renounce my imperfection
I renounce the idea that I am perfect
I will rise and find and oh god try to not be god but be bigger than god
I am god, yeah, no, really, a trillion times a trillion atoms circling in universes around me to give me these fucking eyes to do nothing/nothing/nothing but see the world
god made the world, top hacker shit
but, I gaze with awe
we gaze with awe. Have I lost you already?
Is this stupid narcissim in my mind
That makes me wake up lonely every day
And every grin a bit of a cringe
As I wonder what broken shit I am,
To always be alone, full of gloam
Let us beat back god together
Let us be us
If you aren’t scared of me
I won’t be scared of you
Can we be each others mirror?
Do you want me to say I love you first?
Because it’s true, I love you. I love you.
I love my mom and dad // blue skys fighting rainy days
I love UBC/OLPC/SafeMotos/AlexiaJennNualaPeterDesiremybrothers/dreamers
I love the idea of loving
Is my love less because I love the world more
I love you
That doesn’t mean you need to say you love me

Rise and shine me
Rise and shine, feeling glee
Rise and shine and find that I’ve escaped for a moment the grind

I want this to end
But the truth hasn’t been written
I’m still on this train
But it’s not going to where I want it to go
How do I say that one thing I want to say
The words are there there there
How do I just say it
Let me throw myself off this train
And wait for me, I am about to go and be mad and shatter but no matter ignore the clatter here I am for a moment am I soaring tell me it’s not boring where are the words I am in the air for just this second I need to find them I can’t break free any more I can’t keep open this door oh please god I just want more I don’t want what you got in store not afraid of fire, afraid of just just just just just just just just just just just I don’t wanna dissappear
Fuck that I’m in the hall of my mind for just his second let me try all the doors let me find those things that I’ve stored and clean up
This door here, shit, I don’t want to open it. Am I worth being loved? Am I shit, useless, blissless, unmagical? Let me not open that door. I need a hug. Don’t hug me. I need to know who I am. Tell me who I am.
No.
Don’t even tell me who I am.
I think I think I think I think
I know what I need
I know what to ask,
You, who I love
Are we the same?
Is your mind filled with these devils
These SCRATCHED records
Madness sadness and hint of gladness
Can, can I be less lonely?
Are you lonely too?
Do you go to dance and wonder why your legs don’t move
Do you go to put your arm on someone and, and, it just doesn’t work out
Does someone hug you and you recoil, even/even though all you want is to be hugged?
Is that you?
Maybe, maybe, we don’t have to be alone
Maybe, maybe
Maybe, maybe
The train has stopped, did I ever get on it. I was just running in the rain. Screaming at the big clouds, eclipse at noon on a Saturday.
Really more like 11
11:07
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
I didn’t say what I wanted to say
on on
ON ON
on on
we make our own way forwards
we have the choice to make our own way forwards

i wanna play this song on repeat / it don’t have a beat / which is what makes it neat / cause I don’t see beats / which makes me feel incomplete / enfeebeled / and how am i supposed to start a letter / showing my better mind / if I can’t even find / just feel fucking blind / let me fight this grind / add to the list of all those things I never found / that voice I used to use for you just a mist / that I miss / now all I’ve got is some new hiss / that feels lissless / blissless / loveless / when did I lose the doves in my mind / when did we ever stop searching for what we might find / Jenn are you alright / how is the good ol fight / do you still feel like you have sight / or has it become a type of night / that you just wish would make right / fuck ights / fucks fucks / how are you lady? / hope you’re okay maybe / hope you’re flowin and goin and dreaming aint fleein just beein eyes open and seeing and still hopin for something new each mornin and wondering what luck might come, instead of come undone, instead of fall down, hopin for the being instead of the dissapearing / who is we again? / maybe we ares far enough to know we never go to wheres we were prayin to go by that don’t mean that this not there is a no where is a no go is a no glow / aint we all still a type of beautiful, even if it’s more amore a mystiful than we thought when was those young bucks who could look at the moon and not see gloom, share a room and make our minds zoom make our minds go vroom make our minds fly as we knew we had this cry is us that was no fuss to yell and every challenge would be felled every devil felled dreams felled us up dream high and high into the sky they could never die there’s nothing wry in imagining we could be more than miles high and be and see and be full of glee forever or or for all that forever is worth a forever rebirth and then did it happen to you? we get brought back to earth / I remember red / its  a color you said / but now I’m blind and it looks dead / just another dread grey / another grey ash / another lash / for what I failed to have the passion to fasten / that I just wasn’t fast enough to find / that I don’t know how to escape / is there a way to catch a break / go under that slide / a place in my mind I like to hide / where the lights were bright / and everything was alright / and / and/ I still dreamed alright / without this fucking dimmed eyesight / I’ve lost my might / I’ve lost my love of life / and I’m left with my like / it doesn’t feel alright / but / then / I look back / at those racks of memory / that are all buried / and I see them flow / behind me forever more / and I can hope / without being a dope / that this is a river behind / so its a river before / and the flashfloodingWONDER of before / don’t mean the future doesn’t have a different type of soar / don’t mean it can’t have a different type of door / a different type of more / let me not look back / let me roll down the hill in a sack / let me remember that today aint the end / it’s just a part of a bend / and may my feet send me / towards a future where I get to be / the me I want to be / and if I am just me / then it should be with ease / I can again be at peace

tryinanddfindinandtryinandlosinbutsallokayevenpeachyasalliknowiswhatidontknowandiembraceitbecausewhatelseistheretodofearitthatwouldbestupidinaccuratemeaninglessohfortheretobeahopethatwasrealisticarealitythatcouldberealarealthatiwouldwantembraceandchaseandloveandnowiknowthosethingsithoughtididn’tknowbutwasjustooscaredortoostupidortoomuchofjustamotherfuckertoreallyknowreallyunderstandreallyembracereallycarereallyfeelreallylovemydownfallismyselfiamthebottleneckiamtheweaknessiamthefearbutisntthatokayevenbeautifulevenatypeoflovelyevenatypeofperfectioncantmyweaknessbemystregthasidontfearwhoimnotandacceptwhoiamandwhoiwasandwhoimbecomingandwhoiamandwhoiamwhychaseperfectionwhenwewillnevergetthereoreverworsewedoanddiscoverjusthowboringitisnonoletmebeflawedletmelovemyflawsletmehowlhowlatthemoonawwoooooootherearetimesforpeacebutthentherearetimesforwarandmoregetsdoneinwarsoletmymindstayatwarthereisnopaxbarrettthereisonlynashguerreandichoosemywarwitheyesopenevenasasmilebecausewhatiswarexcepttheultimatetestwiththepleasurethatmywarisnotagainstotherpeoplewhoiwouldhurtandhurtisasininthebibleofmyheartnothiswarisonlyagainstmyselfandmyweaknessandmyflawsandimbarenuckledthermonucleartryingtobethebestversionofmyselfacknowledingthattheweaponsthatmayletmebeassymetricalaren’tmebeingperfectnoitsmyflawsthemselvesificanjustbehonestwithmyselfjustenoughthenwiththosethingsthatusedtokeepmeupatnighthatingmyselftheywillbethethingsthatletmewinletmewonderletmebethemeiwanttobeandcanbeandamifonlyisayyesyes